Motives Are Not Always What You Think | Gina Gardiner Associates | Ardleigh, Essex

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07/07/2011: Motives Are Not Always What You Think
How often are you upset, disappointed or angry by what others say and do or the way in which they do it?

We interpret everything within our world based on our beliefs and experiences to date. One of the down sides of this phenomenon is that we often spin stories around the words and actions of others which are entirely of our making. It has the potential to screw up relationships and generate a great deal of unhappiness.

Imagine the scene. Partner 1 arrives home from work and is keen to tell their other half all about the day, particularly the problem they had with a colleague at work. Off they go full steam ahead and suddenly they realise the other person isn?t listening. They seem distracted.

Partner 1 who is already very irritated by the day they have experienced at work is now annoyed by the lack of attention and creates the following story. I always take a real interest in what they are doing. The least they could do is listen to me when I?ve had a dreadful day. It?s just typical. They don?t really care. I put far more into that relationship than they ever did. No one really cares about me. It?s not fair, poor me.

The reality ? Partner two is distracted by what has gone on in their day. They have not recognised the signals or subtext and are completely oblivious to the storm brewing.

Partner 1 snaps and a row ensues.

How much better would it be if Partner 1 was able to see the partner?s distraction as just that rather than making up a victim story.

Most of the time the other person is not deliberately trying to upset us. They are simply sealing with their own stuff. Recognising that and not taking it as a personal affront would avert a huge number of problems.

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